Hers: Lashings in London

We went from Turkey to the US to celebrate my Grandpa’s 90th birthday. We spent two weeks with our families, and it was absolutely lovely. It was strange being back after nine months abroad, so were definitely ready to get back on the road and back to our comfort of the unknown.

We only decided to go to London (AKA land of gnarly teeth and tea), because our flight from home to Cairo had an overnight layover in London, so the ball and chain suggested we extend it to see some friends who live there. I’ll be honest when I say I’ve never been interested in seeing London and I wasn’t impressed with the idea of staying a whole week. Andrew has been there 6 or 7 times and always raved about it, but he doesn’t know shit, so I didn’t listen. Really, I felt like I’d seen enough of it in movies and photos and most people I know have been and that reason alone made it less interesting to me. I’m much more interested in exotic places with cultural differences, warm weather and few to zero hipsters hipstering around like they own the damn city. I put London in the ‘that place is overdone. I’ll go there when I’m old. or never’ category. For the first time ever, I was wrong.

Some of our favorite hood-rats are living in London and each one showed us a different side to their city. We did a few touristy things, but mostly played and played and played in every dirty crack and crevasse built with the stolen wealth of the world (oh, burn). 

Upon arriving to the land of the Queen every woman receives a lavish hat for high tea and men get a jacket with coattails and their teeth painted brown. Horse drawn carriages, black taxis and double-decker buses flood the streets. Every waiter’s name is Alfred. People even smoke cigarettes with their pinkies out. Union jacks are on ev-er-y-thing. There are keg-orators flowing with London Pride on every street corner. People are still being hung, drawn and quartered inside castle walls. Fish and chips for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Andrew got into a sword fight.  We even saw Kate Moss hoof a line of yak on the bar.

Just kidding. London is just another western, big city, but it was beautiful and we had a riot. London was fun-don.

Fun fact, “Street names that sadly no longer exist include Shiteburn Lane, Pissing Alley, and more than one Gropecunt Lane, which as the name might suggest, was associated with prostitution.” - Buzzfeed - (you’re welcome Roy, for quoting your favorite journalism gateway)