His: Bye Bye Paulistas!

Our trip to Sao Paulo, Brazil has come to an end and we've told you basically nothing about it so far.  If you follow along on Instagram, you're pretty up to speed, but I'm excited to tell you more about this leg of our adventure.  Of course if you want to visit Sao Paulo, or just want a laugh - then read my lazy-person's travel guide to Sao Paulo.  

Sao Paulo is considered the "New York City of South America" - it is larger in size and population than NYC, but I guess they just generally look up to NYC for lifestyle trends.

Since I'm just doing 1 post for SP, I'm going to talk about my favorite part of SP, the people.  But 2 quick things first, 1) the graffiti here is insanely awesome.  They even have amazing graffiti all over their houses (see picture & my Instagram). 2) I had to wash my underwear in the sink when we got here, haha.  So gross.  It's a first for this trip..and a first in my life, but these highly recommended underwear wash well and dry fast.  Hand-washing isn't that bad, people!!!  I do feel a little dirty still...

People of Sao Paulo

The people of Sao Paulo are awesome and very welcoming to foreigners, specifically NYCers.  More of them speak English than in Rio and generally they're excited to meet Americans, vs. Rio where they're just over it (too many tourists).  You missed out Cariocas, we could have been best friends!  


Also in contrast to Rio, no one in Sao Paulo exercises outside.  I walk every morning to help with my back issues, and in Rio, starting at 7am, half the city comes to the beach to strut their stuff.  In Sao Paulo, I haven't seen a single person walking (for health) or exercising outside in the entire 2 weeks.

The only properly strange thing that we learned about Paulistas (People from Sao Paulo) is about their 'hook-up' culture.  Obviously we didn't learn about this first hand, but we got the second-degree scoop from a guy and a girl (who I assume met each other in the same extremely un-American fashion).  So what's so weird about it???

Let's pretend you're a guy, in America, at a bar, for instance.  They're playing music, you see a cute girl dancing - so you race through all of these pickup lines in your head, chose one, then go make your move.  Your move, meaning you go over and try to spark up a conversation and maybe slide in super smooth for a dance.  From there, you continue on dancing and chatting for hours trying not to mess things up and hope that at the end of the night you can secure that holy, enchanting kiss...or two.  I hope that all sounds normal to you people....

So in Brazil, they don't have this "break the ice" pickup line culture that us Americans have.  Instead, their pickup line is a KISS...on the mouth...always with tongue.  Let me paint the picture for you: "Hello, MOUTH-FACE-MOUTH-SPIT-TONGUE-BREATH-MOUTH-GRABBYHANDS-MOUTH.  What is your name? My name is Fred." and then, if you're superrrr lucky and you played your mouth-tongue-spit cards right, you get to dance.  So any American men out there with serious mouth game, but terrible speaking abilities - head to Sao Paulo.


I've been known as a "yupster" in some circles, which is a yuppy-hister (clever name, huh).  Anyways - idk why I got that name, I guess I wear tight pants, listen to weird music, like dressing up in costumes, (try) to eat all the organic free range grass fed sustainable crap....but I'm not a full blown hipster because I have a professional non-creative job and I shower ever day?  I mean, I guess I like it fancy sometimes, which could be the 'yuppy,' but have you ever seen me wearing salmon colored "sky's out, thighs-out" shorts with a mint long sleeve polo shit, sweater draped around my shoulders and Sperry's topsiders on?  NO, you haven't (not in like 6 years anyways).  Yes I just called out some of my friends, but it's true, they're the yuppies, not me!  Anyways... where was I going with this???

Right! So, I kinda can't stand hipsters, even though a lot of people that I know call me a hipster, or part hipster, geez, even my personality is biracial.  If you hate hipsters, check out this website.  I actually love a lot of things about hipsters and what they originally stood for.  I often like their style, taste in music, taste in art, taste in neighborhoods to live in, taste in food...but I hate this high-and-mighty, holier than thou baditude (bad attitude) that forces them to look down their noses at the nest of the world.  They're often so freaking cool, that they will refuse to admit that something really cool is actually cool just to be alternative.  Ughhhhh, I hate you!  Just be yourselves!  So we've come to find out that this is primarily an American thing, not a "hipster" thing.  The hipsters in Sao Paulo seem to be everything that I love about hipsters and they have none of the baditude.  

I would totally live in Sao Paulo, just because the hipster-community here is right for me and I'd proudly wear that big bright stereotype right across my beard, vintage t-shirt, red flannel tied around my waist with jeans cut into shorts, and combat boots on.  Everyone here has a sick beard (almost as dope as mine), interesting clothing, great taste in music I've never heard of, and get this - they don't carry themselves like they're better than the rest of the world!!!!!  Sao Paulo, hipster community, I love you.

But seriously, look at this fucking hipster.

Meeting People

In Rio, we met people on Instagram "Online Dating," but in Sao Paulo, we did things old fashioned.  Day 1, we met @MauroFarina @MissionSabotage at a bar - he's a legend, great beard, INCREDIBLE DJ, works with VICE (which we're obsessed with), you've already seen him in our Instagram shots and we're basically friends forever.  Stay tuned for more adventures with Mauro & @FreeBeats in the next few months.

Generally speaking, if you want to be friends with Paulistas, you need to eat dinner at 9pm at the earliest, and be prepared to start partying between 12am-2am and to finishing partying from 4am-12pm.  It's insane, but we haven't gone to bed before 3am in the last 4 days and that's just because dinner went long, we were almost totally sober.

We had EPIC days and nights with @Walterjunior, @Suzmaranhao, @andrebrasilia, @camilapons, @oficialvin AND @PaulMalicki AND @Maricarmem, @lumaia86, @francsco, and @adeusvivious.  We love making Friends Forever - thank you all so much for your hospitality, generosity, and partyocity.  You're all beautiful souls and we can't wait to cross your paths again!

Finally - Adrienne and I are nightlife, music, art, and party people.  For us, Sao Paulo felt like home, it has a lot of NYC in it, but with a grittier, more genuine vibe.  Feels like '94 NYC.  I know nothing about '94 NYC because I was In Kingston, Jamaica...and 7, but that's just what it feels like and I'm right.

We just got to Buenos Aires last night.  Bye Bye "trying to speak Portuguese" and hola Espanol!!!!!!  Onto destination #3!  Instagram adventures, more blog posts with crazy adventures (including some amazing friends from the US and France that are coming to visit us!!!), and another lazy travel guide soon to come!

His: Bye Bye Cariocas!

Thank you all for sticking with us through episode 1 of “An Idiot Abroad / Lost in Translation / Naked and Afraid.”  The first international leg of our journey has come to a close and we’ve made it in once piece!  We are in Sao Paulo, Brazil now and sharing our final thoughts on Rio.  

Our last 5 days in Rio were incredible.  We finally felt like we got a true vibe for Brazilian, or specifically Cariocan (Rio natives) culture.  We ventured out to Samba School and a soccer match at Maracana (World Cup Stadium).

Samba - Samba is a Brazilian dance that basically involves men and women moving their legs and feet insanely fast, while remaining relatively still.  It’s magical and mesmerizing to watch, it’s like putting both of your legs in a paint mixer and somehow managing to make it look elegant. Here’s an example - this video is Not safe for work, because apparently you have to be naked to do the samba correctly.  We went to the team Salgueiro's school, the second best Samba team in the world, they compete in Carnaval

We tried doing samba as some locals encouraged us to, but we looked like a newly born calf trying to walk for the first time rather than 'humans on a dance floor.'  We were not au naturel, like the aforementioned example video, so I’m pretty sure that’s why we couldn’t get it right.  Next time :).  If you follow along on Instagram (you better!) you would have seen Adrienne being picked up and twirled around by a “dancing queen."

Samba culture is probably the coolest thing about Brazil to me so far and one of the best nights that we had there.

This is the place and same event that we went to, but it’s not our video.

The Football - Maracana, is one of the most famous stadiums in the world and it used to be the largest - before FIFA downsized it with their “upgrades.”  This is where they played the 2014 World Cup Finals.  Brazilians do hate FIFA - there’s graffiti all over that says “F**K Off FIFA” and “Go Home FIFA” but they still stand behind the sport that they love above all.  Our football experience was watching one of the hometown favorites, Flamengo.  As a foreigner, you basically just stand there (the whole time, they don't sit down...ever) constantly singing songs that you don't understand at all, but belting away passionately like you're in the Knockout rounds on The Voice.  It's just like going to a match in England -> you don't understand the words, but you scream it with more conviction than Rocky trying to get Adrienne's attention.  We went there with our new instafriend @BrunnoPessoa and a few of his fellow Cariocas who graciously hosted us at their house for the pre-game.  Thank you soo much Bruno, Maria, and Ilke!! Eu sou Flamengo!!


Lastly, I decided to more formally memorialize our travels.  I mean, we aren’t lazy (bite your tongue!) but I think based on our experiences, I could write a pretty awesome lazy traveler's travel guide.  Lazy travelers, your prayers have been answered - here is a list of the bare minimum things you need to know to have an amazing time in Rio: The Bare Minimum Travel Guide to Rio de Janeiro, Brazil.

You’re welcome.  Stay tuned for more of us, this time in Sao Paulo, Brazil!

His: Welcome to Rio - Você fala Inglês?

"The smell of burning gas when the water first hits your body. The buzzing glow of a flame next to your face."

Not a description that most would use to explain a peaceful morning shower, but this, is Brazil.  The water is heated next to your head before you’re blasted with a necessary escape from the sweltering heat, so this is no country for the pyrophobics.

Rio de Janeiro, in the first 30 hours of our experience, is a dirty, colorful, beautiful, and majestic city scattered unforgivingly across this unique natural landscape of beach, mountain, rocky outcrop, and jungle.

----Apparently this is how my novel of our trip would begin---

On our first evening in Rio we walked the famous Copacabana Beach, wading through pandering locals attempting to hawk zipper purses, jewelry, trinkets, and of course cocaine and weed.  To avoid the constant sales pitch, we quickly found ourselves at a beachside cafe eating unidentifiable fried objects and guzzling the famed caipirinhas, which are fantastic.  We took a quick stroll along the beach and called it early.

The following day we returned to the streets to seek out some English speakers in hopes of a nightlife sherpa.  After roaming Ipanema, we saw an asian guy and a white guy walking towards us - "Now that's GOT to be an english conversation!"  Nailed it.  Perfect english, perfect recommendation.  Off to Copacabana for some cocktailing!

So with the success of English-spotting in Ipanema, we decided that it is our fastest route to a good time, and so the game of constant racial profiling began.  Only about one in twenty people that we’ve interacted with have spoken any English, so brushing up on your hand gestures, pointing ability and a bit of Portuguese is highly recommended if you ever make it to Rio.

…now back to us on the street.  Racial profiling in Brazil is REALLY HARD because Brazilians come in basically every shade tan, brown, and black. Blonde, NFL apparel, Asian, Fanny pack, Overweight - all key tools in our American racial profiling arsenal.  A few caipirinhas later, our failed hunt turned into a vision of hope as the word “like” was faintly uttered by a passer-by.  YES!!!!!!  Adrienne, go, go, go!!!  Two young women - one hippied-out and the other a guaranteed midwesterner - shout, shout!!  

Enter Susan and Andrea and a story of an amazing night out that opened up our eyes to the real Rio...for another time.  Watch a preview video of where our night went here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7FqRsb7aRgM  (Apparently Adrienne drank some awkward juice just before this video because she seems lost. Apparently.)