Hers: The Rio-ians in Rio de Janiero, Brazil

One, I don't understand how or why there are fitness centers on every corner but all people seem to eat here is fried food and steak. There are 1,000 crowded restaurants and food stands that only sell fried munchies - so our diet here has been 90% unidentifiable mush that's been deep fried into a golden brown slice of heaven. As you walk down the street, it's just gym, fried food, gym, fried food, gym, fried food. It's basically the most confusing thing that I've ever thought about (no, I've never thought about physics, rocket science or how jello becomes jello-y). Why don't you people make up your mind? Be fat, or be fit. There's no room for multifaceted people on this planet. Anyways, I really enjoy sitting in front of gym windows while making love to goodies that are the opposite of healthy and gesturing to the gym rats offering a bite. Awkward and evil. :)

***My body hates me, it's begging for something of nutritional value. My mind is telling me, 'its ok, veggies are for wussies. Put that frizzled happiness in your face hole.'

Two, there are 6.1 million people living in Rio and all of them get dressed in the dark. This doesn't upset me, I'm impressed that there are this many people in one area that look like they got dressed in the morning and swapped an article of clothing with someone else just for shits and giggles (bit of a false statement- nobody actually giggles here, but we were unfortunate enough to see a kid actually shit in his bathing suit, Woof). I will add, there are more spandex pants of all shapes, sizes and colors in this city than anywhere else in the world. It's true. The internet told me and the internet is always right.

Three, the locals here are so kind. We got a lot of flack from friends and family who said we shouldn't visit Rio because it's extremely dangerous and I, not exactly blending in with my blonde hair and green eyes, would be a target for all the "rampant criminals". We've been here for almost three weeks, in several neighborhoods, out and about at all hours of the day/night and not once were we worried for our safety. The people here are mostly very sweet and very helpful, despite their confusing health choices and clothing preferences. Please note that I said MOSTLY. I had a nice screaming match with the neighborhood nail lady. The little devil insisted on torturing me with a nail file and pokey objects that I'm certain are not meant for human interaction and then charged me $110 for it. It was a waste of time as I was yelling in English and she was yelling back in Portuguese, but I'm pretty sure I won. So, that was the closest I've come to slapping an old broad. Besides that everyone has been great!

We haven't captured any photos of the above subjects, so here's our view from the top of Sugarloaf Mountain. It was perfect. 

Over and out.

 

His: Welcome to Rio - Você fala Inglês?

"The smell of burning gas when the water first hits your body. The buzzing glow of a flame next to your face."

Not a description that most would use to explain a peaceful morning shower, but this, is Brazil.  The water is heated next to your head before you’re blasted with a necessary escape from the sweltering heat, so this is no country for the pyrophobics.

Rio de Janeiro, in the first 30 hours of our experience, is a dirty, colorful, beautiful, and majestic city scattered unforgivingly across this unique natural landscape of beach, mountain, rocky outcrop, and jungle.

----Apparently this is how my novel of our trip would begin---

On our first evening in Rio we walked the famous Copacabana Beach, wading through pandering locals attempting to hawk zipper purses, jewelry, trinkets, and of course cocaine and weed.  To avoid the constant sales pitch, we quickly found ourselves at a beachside cafe eating unidentifiable fried objects and guzzling the famed caipirinhas, which are fantastic.  We took a quick stroll along the beach and called it early.

The following day we returned to the streets to seek out some English speakers in hopes of a nightlife sherpa.  After roaming Ipanema, we saw an asian guy and a white guy walking towards us - "Now that's GOT to be an english conversation!"  Nailed it.  Perfect english, perfect recommendation.  Off to Copacabana for some cocktailing!

So with the success of English-spotting in Ipanema, we decided that it is our fastest route to a good time, and so the game of constant racial profiling began.  Only about one in twenty people that we’ve interacted with have spoken any English, so brushing up on your hand gestures, pointing ability and a bit of Portuguese is highly recommended if you ever make it to Rio.

…now back to us on the street.  Racial profiling in Brazil is REALLY HARD because Brazilians come in basically every shade tan, brown, and black. Blonde, NFL apparel, Asian, Fanny pack, Overweight - all key tools in our American racial profiling arsenal.  A few caipirinhas later, our failed hunt turned into a vision of hope as the word “like” was faintly uttered by a passer-by.  YES!!!!!!  Adrienne, go, go, go!!!  Two young women - one hippied-out and the other a guaranteed midwesterner - shout, shout!!  

Enter Susan and Andrea and a story of an amazing night out that opened up our eyes to the real Rio...for another time.  Watch a preview video of where our night went here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7FqRsb7aRgM  (Apparently Adrienne drank some awkward juice just before this video because she seems lost. Apparently.)